Who's More Dissapointed the Last 3 Weeks?

Life is a series of dissapointments. Unfortunately two things that have brought me great joy; the New York Giants and Entourage have been utterly dissapointing the last few weeks. Now some people like myself, Frisc, Mike, Hick Matt all love both things so these last 3 weeks have been awful for us. But not everyone is like the four of us. So who has had a more dissapointing last 3 weeks, fans of Entourage or fans of the Giants? Luckily I am here to break this down.







1. Biggest Loss:




Giants: Kevin Boss who rightfully took about 3 times what he was worth to sign with the God awful Okland Raiders.



Entourage: Turtle's "girlfriend"

More Dissapointing: I enjoyed the fake Shockey era but was he even one of the 15 best Tight Ends in football? Entourage is more dissapointing.

2. Best attempt to "Spin" the last 3 weeks:

Giants: We like to fly under the radar and we've always built through the draft not through free agency.

Entourage: They are setting things up for later in the year.

More Dissapointing: Entourage, 7 seasons and they've never "set up" a story line all of a sudden with a few episodes left they are getting cute?

3. Most Depressing Moment of the last 3 weeks:

Giants: The fact that Steve Smith not only left but signed with the team I hate the most.

Entourage: You could go with the coke addict killing himself, Turtle getting dumped, the Sloan/E breakup, but I have to go with everything Vince has done so far. They've set him up as a drug addict so he can't get drunk or smoke pot and none of the other guys can either so basically it's just a show about dudes dealing with grown up issues. Fuck this Degrassi bullshit.

More Depressing: Entourage. I loved Steve Smith but he is coming off microfracture. Nostalgia has no place in football.

4. Underlying part that makes each fan base more depressed:

Giants: Giant fans have had to sit back and watch our biggest rivals sign every single big time free agent to add to their already impressive group that ruined our lives last year. It's one thing when your team seemingly isn't doing anything to improve but another to see your most hated rival jump to the next level.

Entourage: Umm, lets go with the fact that this is the last season of the show so if it sucks, we never get any more episodes.

More Depressing: Entourage. The Giants still games to be played. Entourage is running out of time.

5. Most Dissapointing Acquisition:

Entourage: Andrew Dice Clay. Can they please just end this awful Drama cartoon storyline?

Giants: Prince Akimura who broke his foot. Its always great when your first round pick will probably help the team in absolutely no way at all his first year.

More Dissapointing: Prince and the Giants, its hard to say your dissapointed by the performance of a comedian who was last relevent when I was going to after school center.

6. Most Underrated Loss:

Giants: Rich Seubert and Shaun O'Hara, 2 mainstays of the offensive line that went from much maligned to severely underated to dominant to slightly overrated to dissapointing over the last 5 years.

Entourage: The 10 pounds Ari's wife lost. Ladies, let this be a lesson, skinner is not always better.

More Dissapointing: Giants, Ari's wife annoys me at least now I am not attracted to her

7. Biggest Sign of Hope:

Giants: They still have Eli, Hakeem Nicks, Tuck, Kenny Phillips and Bradshaw. There's talent on the roster, and they have a coach who has won the Super Bowl and has proven he can harnass that talent.

Entourage: Its not hard to write a successfull Entourage episode. Hot chicks, dudes drinking, smoking pot and doing fun shit, Ari being a douche, 2 or 3 cool songs, and the guys looking out over a beautiful scenery at the end of an episode where everything works out. They still make cool songs, hot girls still exist and these 4 characters are still there. All the elements of a great episode are in place, somebody just needs to put them together.

More Depressing Overall: I have to say I have more hope with the Giants. Both things have been utterly awful for the last few weeks but for the Giants, the season has not even started. We don't know how this particular team will fare. Entourage has wasted 3 of their last 8 episodes so far. I don't see how they turn this around without either

A) rushing everything into the 2 last episodes
B) saving things for the movie, leaving the series itself as incomplete and pissing off everyone who loved the show.

So there you have it, Entourage has been more depressing over the last 3 weeks than the NY Giants. Congrats Giants, you are only the second most dissapointing part of my life.

LBI

"That's what a great bar does. It stays the same so we can measure our own change. That's why we mourn them when they disappear."- Wright Thompson

"To all my grandchildren, this house is for you to use and enjoy but it is not for wild parties and out of control drinking"- Mike's grandfather in an email he sent that is posted on the house fridge.

I have been going to Mike's grandfather's house on Long Beach Island in New Jersey for 2-5 days for about 5 years now. It is not a bar itself although at various times it has been home to more beer cans than many bars. In fact if Mike's grandfather ever witnessed what goes on during the 5 days he allows Mike to use the house he would probably ban him from ever using it again. This would be a tragedy of epic proportions.

LBI is one of two annual rites of summer for my group of friends, the other being going upstate to either my parent's or my aunts house. Amazingly enough upstate is the more subdued of the two trips. LBI is the show as in shitshow. After all these years we have it down to a science.

If you come bring beer, think of how many you plan on drinking and bring more than that.

Remind people to bring ice, warm beer sucks.

We eat Ming Dynasty, Wendys, WaWa and the bagel store. Some people have Taco Bell. These people clearly have stronger stomachs than I.

You shit at Ming. Its accepted. If you somehow make it out of Ming without shitting it means you probably shit your pants during the 8 minute drive home.

LBI is communist Cuba and Mike is Fidel Castro. Everyone is equal except Mike. For instance...

Beds are first come first serve. "Calling beds" is not allowed. If you go to bed first you get your pick of which bed you want. Theres 3 beds, 2 mattresses and some floor space. Getting a bed is a luxury. Only Mike's bed is guaranteed and if he is feeling nice or wants to pipe you he may let you share it with him.

Going to bed first is not all puppies and icecream. If you go to bed first you leave yourself open to getting fucked with. This includes having a vacumm put in your room to wake you up. Or having Mike's ass ending up on your face. Or someone trying to tape you to a bed.

In fact the last one lead to one of the only things ever broken in LBI; a lamp. The lamp was thrown at the people attempting the taping about 5 years ago. In fact the lamp itself didnt break, just the bulb.

It's a minor miracle not more things break during some of the "questionable" ideas. For instance its amazing not more damage was done during the backyard "soccer game" that ended 1-0 and lead to a ban on backyard soccer.

Or during backyard beer can homerun derby with a wiffleball bat.

Or during the 3 am fireworks show which had been postponed at 1 am because Mike said it was a bad idea. And it was, it lead to the one and only time the neighbors came over to complain about the noise.

The neighbor girl however has come over more than once. She is a classy type of girl. In fact she once remarked "I'm not going to kiss you because I have a boyfriend." The fact that she gave a blowjob to the person instead is inconsequential to the story.

The previous is not even my favorite story involving a hook up with the neighbor girl, someone was once asked "you have a girlfriend? I thought you hooked up with that girl in LBI" Their reply was "it wasn't serious yet because we hadn't gone apple picking yet"

In fact hooking up used to be a big part of LBI. Pollie once fucked a girl so hard he knocked some of the shit off the walls.

Legend has it that Sean banged a girl who most closely resembled Chewbacca. Sean has denied this for years but we have irrefutable evidence in the form of "I seen his little red hick balls"- Matt Lenzo.

Sometimes girls come who don't get hooked up with. In the story of LBI this is called "The PSU girls" year or 2008. Mike had a genius idea to invite Danielle, my sister and their friends from Penn State. This year holds the record for most LBI annomolies.

For instance the girls immediately commandeered an entire room. They placed all their things in it. This cut the available bed and floor space in half. It also somehow led to a unique sleeping arrangement.

I won't disclose the parties involved but I will disclose this quote "I figured she wanted to hook up so I put my thumb up her ass, then she got up and left the bed"

It was Scott's thumb in the above story.

Bed's and assholes were not the only things that weren't shared that weekend. Food in the LBI house has been sporadic at best. It mostly consists of chips, leftovers from WaWa and whatever food Mike's family left at the house in the previous summer weeks. However during the fatefull week in 2008, the PSU girls brought their own food to LBI.

The afformentioned food were things like carrots and chips and other crap worth less than $30. LBI is communism, there is no mine there is everyone's. This wasn't properly explained to the girls and when some one (Me) ate their food mostly out of spite they lost their shit. Some may find this wrong but in LBI nobody is special.

This is a lesson some cunt needed to learn in 2010. Somehow this girl thought that smoking IN the house was ok. This is noteworthy in no way except that it lead to this quote "she thnks she can do whatever she wants cuz she used to suck Gusto's dick" Dick Maida is a funny man.

The above quote happened on the boat. The boat is legendary in LBI. No boat has ever been occupied for more time by more people than Mike's grandfathers boat in LBI. I've only heard of it being driven once but I personally have spent 15+ hours on the boat in my lifetime. The afformentioned trip was not 15 hours long. In fact I was not even on said trip.

Sometimes there are beers on the boat and sometimes there arent. In fact the boat isnt the only occasionally sober activity. In recent years trips to the island have resulted in mini golf, waterpark and overpriced dining; all done while sober.

My favorite addition to sober activities is Sorry. Yes 4 straight sober 20 something year old dudes sit around playing Sorry during the day usually while not drinking. We ain't young like we used to be and Sorry helps keep people from starting drinking too early and thus passing out too early. It also lead to one of my favorite quotes "Sorry? This is a Sorry group right here". Uncle Gerald is an LBI legend and that quote is just a part of it.

The man has been rumored to work on the house for the entire day, all the while consuming a case or more of beer, always Bud Heavies. In fact while it hurts for us to admit it, Uncle Gerald's LBI drinking prowess far surpasses any of our own. Not for lack of trying however.

One on One baseball, bet your liver, up the river down the river, the Chachi Bullo drinking game. These are some of the absolutely awful drinking games that have been played in LBI. In fact LBI is where I got so mad at Mike I slapped the card off the table when he pushed me for the 17th straight time in up the river down the river. Nobody picked up the cards until the next morning.


LBI is not only about drinking heavily although it is prevalent. You see Mike's grandfather's house is a constant. Nothing has changed since I started going there. The beds are exactly the same, the TV still only gets about 15 channels, there is no internet, the boat never moves, the fridge never has anything other than domestic light beer. The AC is always on full blast and the same shit is always on the walls. LBI has been a post collegiate escape for a week for anyone lucky enough to have Mike Williamson call them his friend.

It 's evolution is what interests me the most. You see it goes back to the quote from Wright Thompson at the top of the page. LBI has never changed. Any changes such as moderating day drinking to play sorry or finally deciding we were mature enough to play beer pong in the living room were results of us evolving as people. Some may look at my group of friends and think we haven't grown up since college. I can look at us and say we have and that the best part is; we can still go away to south Jersey for a week and party like old times, although we may start slightly later than we used to.